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Ever_Living_Fire's avatar

This post really resonated with me. Throughout my youth i've suffered from a sort of sensitivity around other people (i think due to childhood trauma and shameful fetishes). Under the gaze (imagined or actual) of another person, what would be a simple task performed spontaneously, would instead be disrupted because of my awareness of being observed.

"This is what anyone who gazes into the Abyss must embrace!"

This reminds me of a dream i had a while back.

I was being pursued by a group of ragged robed beings with gas masks (similar to the weedians on Sleeps Dopesmoker album cover) in stone building ruins amidst a vast sandy landscape. I was forced into a dead end stone path alleyway. There was a tall stone tower accross an abyss perpendicular to the dead end with a staring eyeball floating above a mantle in an opening high above me. It drew me into a gaze that i failed to struggle against, and my foot steps drew closer to the edge. At the last moment i drew a revolver and shot at the eye just as it was pulled from my hands by some unseen force and a wall of flesh enclosed behind me, pushing me into the abyss. I dont remember what happened after the fall, but when i came up, the eye was gone, with nothing but the mantle and my lost revolver laying next to it.

I think the Freudian parallels are quite clear. It is one of the most symbolic dreams i remember.

"If we are strong enough in our souls we can rip away the veil and look that naked, terrible beauty right in the face"-Dona Tartt, The Secret History

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